Livid

A week to the day and he is questioning my love and loyalty because I haven't set a date yet for the wedding. I didn't know there was a deadline? Was I supposed to have the wedding planned before he even asked? That's what he (and numerous others) are making me feel like. And after the past weekend with the kids, I'm worn out and left to doubt if this is even what I want in life! Kids are hard work, and they're not even mine!

Due to the kids school schedule, he is choosing to limit us to a wedding over their summer break, a two month window for choosing a wedding date. I don't, nor have I ever wanted a summer wedding. And just when I ALMOST get my mind wrapped around that idea, he tells me that our intimate wedding party of a few people, has gone to over 40 for him alone. So, what this means to me is, my small venue of choice is out since it only holds 34 people, and I don't get to pick the date I want either. 

So - why do I want this? The end goal. Oh, that's right. I get to be the live in nanny, maid, and cook and give up my entire life and being, and can't even get the wedding I want? I'm sure this post sounds horrific, and the fact is, I don't care! I am tired of making the concessions in this relationship and basically being told that I'm a bad person because I actually want one (or two) things to go my way. This is going to be a long engagement at this rate, and along the way I think I'll be finding out who I am, what I'm made of, and if this is really the choice I want in life. I would like it to be, but life is not perfect. And when it isn't, it's hell.